FactNet postings by "Maia," an ex-member of the LaRouche Youth Movement, March 2005
"Maia," Thurs., March 10, 2005, 02:18 AM
As far as why I got out, first off I was really lucky, my significant other who wasn't in the org managed to pull me out and helped start putting some sense back into me even while I was still involved, getting me to the point where I could start looking around and seeing the horror spectacle that I was involved [in], getting control of my faculties again.
One of the things was that It gets a little tiring making a fool out of yourself every day standing on [a] street corner asking for money like a homeless person spanging (spare changing). Another thing was, watching Lyn on video, listening to him talk...everyone kept saying he was intelligent but he just kept repeating the same things over and over again. When someone would ask him a question he would break into a 20, 30, sometimes 40 minute explanation that not only made little sense, but always fit neatly into this "these guys are evil and want to destroy humanity" routine. A basic student of sociology and/or human studies can tell you, human beings, the majority, and yes there are evil psychopaths in the world, but the majority are not out to destroy the world, they are simply doing what they think is best and, well, human nature is really freaking complex--it can't be nicely packaged into good and evil slots. All he kept saying was, Dude X is evil, Dudette Y is a spawn of Satan, meh....
While I was in, I saw two things happening almost two different orgs, for one The top down structure of the organization coming from Lyn, I assume, as I had no way of knowing much of what went on in the chain of command, but nevertheless was textbook cult, even though at the time I was only realizing it subconsciously. From the ground up though, and I almost think of it as a force, particulary the new members you could say were pushing the org towards reality, towards real ideas and real productivity. Needless to say, that doesn't last long, the new recruits get swallowed up and merge with the homogenized groupthink--that or they are kicked out or pushed aside.
The lack of identity among the boomers in particular was scary. Someone like Ted who would literally stalk me to make sure I wasn't doing anything non-LaRouchie, oh and yes, Liz, big Mexican girl, really really big, if anyone here has been in or was in the L.A office. Fucking psycho. If anyone was having a normal conversation (even about LaRouchie stuff) she would come in and scream at them to get on the phones. It was her and a number of people like her that made [me] do a double take on the whole thing.
You can't say that you're against government austerity measures and bitch about Argentina raping their people when you make your own people live on the exact same bread products day in and day out. Work them to the bone, then when you get sick, they tell you that you are blocked, when you complain you haven't got your 20 dollars stipend in over a month and they make you feel awful for even thinking about it.
It's really hard to pin down one thing, it just came down to, I guess...the complete lack of concern for the mental and physical health of the youth. As I think about it, it makes me cry for the people I met that are still in it. People that I felt really kindred with, some I never got to know, but wanted to....the ones I met that were still holding on to their own identities and weren't quite being swallowed up so quickly....
So anyway, that's my rant for tonight.
Peace and butterflies.
"maia," Fri., March 18, 2005, 04:26 AM
So I've been at a training all this week (a real conference) and before that the last function I had attended was an ICLC conference. I can say there is a dramatic difference between a cult conference and a real conference. It was the first thing that occurred to me, so many things It would be hard to put into words.... it's rather scary though how the organization is able to convince you otherwise of things you knew before you joined.
They actually had me believing, or starting to, that the LYM was the only org in the world that was actually DOING anything and all the other non-profits were a bunch of impotent Satan worshipers with an Oedipus complex....
I would really like to get some sort of livejournal community going. Maybe I'll just go ahead and create one and post an invite on here. I find there isn't much out there, even as far as forums. I'm not much with what they did in the 70's [and] 80's, but I would like to find out the truth to some things. Being in the LYM raised a helluva lot of questions, about self, about the world, about the organization.
First off, how the hell can an orginization built on such a premise as it is, reach a point where the youth are recruited, burned up and used as fundraisers in an obvious freak show, that doesn't do anything to accomplish the goals it's supposed to? Was the org ever serious about it's goals? Was LaRouche ever sane? Why the hell does Robert Beltran [the film actor ("Star Trek Voyager," "Eating Raoul," etc.), now an ardent LaRouche supporter--DK] work with the org????? I personally got acting lessons from him, talk about having a hard time believing you're in a cult when a Hollywood actor gives you lessons every week. I feel so sad for the kids in the org, some of them are fucking geniuses, not very many, but some really got brains behind them and my God to throw it away on some madman's fundraising scheme, to talk of the dignity and honour and beauty of the human being, and then stand out on the street corner like a freak eight hours a day getting laughed at, accomplishing nothing but pissing a few people off.
Some of the things I learned in the midst of the tragedy that is the LYM will stay with me for life. I would like to continue some of the passionate study of Shakespeare, of all the great poets... It's hard saying what exactly made me leave, there were so many factors, but I would have to say it had to do a lot with the very thing they would have me study about: the dignity of a human being, the power of the heart to open the mind....there were so many contradictions in it all. Even reading back through this [message thread], Tom (I knew him personally too which even makes it more depressing) mentioned Schiller talking about the mind being opened through the heart, yet practically in the next sentence ranted on about how the emotions needed to be eradicated. ["Tom" is a person who was defending LaRouche on FactNet.--DK} It's so weird, Schiller talks about how reason is no good without compassion and love, yet supressing the feeling state, as they call it, is [the] number one priority. Oh, and don't even get me started how the org can say that and then praise Shelley to no end, when he contradicts everything the org stands for....He would rolling over in his grave.....grrrr. Okay, that was my rant....signing off.